The Woes and Passions of Unrequited Love
by movingstaircase
Summary: She loves him. Of this, Hermione is certain. She has always hated goodbyes. Of this, she is also certain. But, with Draco's newly appointed position as an International Auror, it seems goodbyes are inevitable.


**Another one shot. They're becoming popular with me. Honestly, this came out of no where and took me literally about an hour to write, so I'm apologizing in advance if it's really no good. But, I hope you enjoy it, as down beat as it is. **

**As usual, I own nothing.**

* * *

Love is not good. Love is not sunshine and smiles and boxes of chocolates on Valentine's Day. Real love hurts.

Missing somebody is love. Times when you are sitting alone thinking to yourself that you can't ever possibly get over the way you feel in that moment. And you are waiting, waiting, because the tears _will_ come, you are certain, but they don't and you're not quite sure why, because they seem like the only thing that you can rely on and even then, they let you down.

And then the memories. You want to stop them, but you can't, maybe you won't, because in the end they're all you have left and if you let them go, then you are left with nothing. You can't be left with nothing. You can't lose it, because you still feel it and there has to be a reason why.

It drives you a little bit insane, you think. How can another person mean so much? How can somebody who you barely know affect your life in such an impossible way? This person who you loathed so deeply in childhood. You imagine life without him, because you can, of course you can, it is just that you would rather not. And life without him does not feel empty, because despite how it feels, he is not the only person in your world. But, it feels wrong. Like when the moon hangs in daylight or when it snows in July.

You can't live without him. But, that is silly. Because you are. He travels across the country, the globe, moves on with his life and you continue to live and breathe. Although, you do not know how you are doing it. You feel as if you are about to tear at the seams that bind you together, but you do not. You scream and you cry and you want want want, but it doesn't happen and yet, you continue to live, survive, exist.

You do not want to exist.

He consumes your thoughts. You wish he didn't. It is not fun. You do not get butterflies whenever he crosses your mind, your heart does not skip a beat. It aches. You ache for yourself and for him and for the pain that will never go away. And you wonder if one day you will forget who he was and what he looked like. You will maybe forget that he had grey eyes and not blue, blond hair and not brown, the sound of his laughter when he found something breathless and stomach cramping funny.

Because that is how memory works with the people you love, is it not? You will forget who they were, but never who they were to you. Memories fade and you know this. Time takes things away from you, but it does not heal.

Remember the good times, that's what people say. You despise people. They do not know, they do not speak the truth, they have no idea what it is like to walk in your shoes. Or maybe they do. You feel selfish. You are selfish. You deserve to be. Remembering the good times rips you apart inside, and you wish they didn't, but they do. So, you remember the bad times. The arguments, the tears, the times when you doubted it all. You do not want to remember these things. You do not want to remember him in this way. You want your memories to be pure. They are not. Every second you spent together seems tainted by your desperation.

Regret. So much regret. You regret every thought that what you had with him wasn't enough. He didn't love you back, he didn't want you, he didn't understand. How could he begin to understand? You kept it quiet and you begin to think that, maybe, that was the wrong decision. However, you could never say it. Even now. There were no hugs and kisses. There were no tender moments in which you could relive again and again. There was only unrequited love, sadness and longing.

You hated it then. You would give anything for it now.

Distance is not forever. He is not really gone. Somehow, the thought makes it worse. Because he will come back. And he will not be that person you fell in love with, but you know that it will not matter. You will want him regardless. But, he will be too different for you to ever bring back that sense of familiarity you once shared. He will have other people, new people, in his life now. You never stood a chance.

You have been through this before. You have watched the one you love fall for somebody else. He was wrong. You knew this. You did not say a word. You would never give yourself away, you would never tell, because that would be to lay your heart and soul bare and no matter how much you feel for this person, it is not enough. You do not want to hurt any more. You join in with the crowd, egg him on, kiss kiss kiss, you almost convince yourself that you want it to work. You do not believe that they are in love. He does not know love. You think him lucky.

You are not happy when they break up. You watch as that person you put so far before yourself, hurts. He was cheated. You wish you could take it away. You wish that you could destroy the person who has made him feel the way he does. You do not. You comfort him with words of condolence and reassurance. You are no Gryffindor, no Brightest Witch of Your Age; you are a coward.

There is a time when you believe that you have a chance. He may not love you, but he appreciates you for who you are. It is something. You are grasping at straws. You are trying to turn an unlikely friendship into something it is not, that it will never be. Long conversations, late nights at his home, inside jokes that only the two of you will ever understand. You like to believe it is enough. It is not enough. This is no fairy tale, no Jane Austen romance novel. There will be no happy ending.

You distance yourself. You know that it will never be. You know, but you do not accept it. Give him room to breathe. You are suffocating him. You are suffocating yourself. This is becoming unhealthy and you need to stop.

Love is obsession.

You count down the days until he goes. You are staying. You want to stay. You hope he does not say goodbye, because that would mean that he still cares and you do not want him to care. Caring gives you hope. You cannot afford to have hope. You want to ask why. Why you? Why him? You do not. Nobody can give you the answer you are looking for. You would be a fool to think otherwise. You wish you could stop all of this. You wish you could turn back time. You wish that you had never met this person and that you could go back to the way things were before you knew how strong love could be.

He leaves. You are alone.

You close off your heart to the rest of the world. There will never be anybody else. There is only him. You do not want to go through this twice. From the beginning you had told yourself it was nothing, it was a silly crush that would fade with time. You lied to yourself. You do not want to have to lie again. It is not in your nature and you find it exhausting.

You admit to yourself that it is over. You stop fighting. It is tragic and you know it and the fact that you are in this on your own makes it pitiful. You will move on. You are, first and foremost, Hermione Granger. You will get over him.

Love leaves you no choice.


End file.
